Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I can tuck mytits in my pants
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
