i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
