how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
