I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
