Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
