Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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