I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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