I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
