do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
True college students do jello shots in the library
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