I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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