so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
