The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
