Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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