you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
