what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
