The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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