God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
