Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
