Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
