So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
