even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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