So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize