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when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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