She is in my trunk
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
