Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
