my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
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