all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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