Where is the hickey?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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