He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize