I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
