u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
