Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I'm really busy with my period
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