forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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