A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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