dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
