i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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