I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
