Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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