so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize