I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
