I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
