I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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