ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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