Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize