Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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