Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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