I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
