**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
