I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
