i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
