he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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