UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
