went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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