Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
