Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
