so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My ATM looks so different sober.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
