we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
