Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
