I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
