Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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