based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
