ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
