just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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