So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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