There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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