I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize