i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
How external is "for external use only"?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
