Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
