R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize