my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
