it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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