he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize