the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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