I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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