and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize